


Civil War?

by Cyber Moggy (janet_mayfire)



Series: The Commune for Retired Superheroes [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Goats, These things do not mix, Vegetables, arms race
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 13:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15120263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janet_mayfire/pseuds/Cyber%20Moggy
Summary: Tony erected stun guns to defend his vegie patch.  The goats are not taking this lying down.





	Civil War?

Bucky strode down the path towards the goat paddock, shepherd’s crook in one hand and a bucket full of mixed grains in the other. The nights were getting longer and longer, and it had reached the point where the animals needed to be penned in the barn every night. The goats had always regarded being penned as something to be fought against, and the process required more of his Winter Soldier skills than he’d ever imagined would be required on a farm.

Still, that was probably why he’d been given the goats to look after instead of the cows.

He glanced over at the barbed-wire-and-turreted fortress that was the farm’s vegie patch, and stopped dead. At least half the goats were there, standing huddled together just out of range of the stun guns. 

Bucky examined the situation carefully. The goats appeared to be...conferring. They mostly had their heads down, although occasionally one of them would pop its head up to look around. Bucky quickly ducked behind a bush to watch. This was not normal goat behaviour.

The goats finished their conference, and spread out around the perimeter of the vegie patch. Then they all rushed in towards the fence together.

The stun guns dropped four of them, and then four more in quick succession. 

But one of the goats got inside the patch, landing directly on a pumpkin vine. 

Bucky came out of hiding and strode toward the vegie patch, intending to extract the goat before it could do any damage. He wasn’t quick enough to stop the goat trying to take a bite out of a ripe pumpkin, and inwardly he sighed. They’d be having pumpkin soup for dinner that night, evidently.

Much to his surprise, though, the goat let out a bleat of pain, and stepped away from the pumpkin of its own accord. The pumpkin was completely unharmed.

Bucky didn’t pause to think about this - instead, he reached out with his crook and caught the goat with it, hauling her away from all the vegetables. He picked the struggling goat up, tucked her under one arm, and left the vegie patch, carefully closing the gate behind him.

Then he set the goat down and examined her mouth. There were no broken teeth, but he could clearly see bruises developing on its gums. “Leave the vegies alone,” he admonished before picking her up again and carrying her to the barn.

Later that night, he mentioned the incident to Tony.

“That’s not the first time they’ve tried that,” Tony replied. “It’s why I’ve also been tinkering with the DNA of the vegies I’ve been growing - I’m trying to make them goat proof. Then I’ll be able to take the gun turrets down.”

“And how are we supposed to cut the vegies up to eat them when they’re too tough even for goat teeth?” Bucky asked.

Tony sighed. “That’s what the lightsabres in the kitchen are for.”


End file.
